MY SCIENTIFIC EXPLANATION OF "TELLING IT HOW IT IS"
(IN PLAIN ENGLISH THAT WE CAN ALL UNDERSTAND)
It has come to my attention recently that there are two types of people in this world:
A. those who 'tell it like it is', and;
B. those who don't
It doesn't seem to matter how much alcohol you ply Group B with either. Group A on the other hand (and I include myself in this group) only need to so much as smell alcohol and they have instantly bailed up some poor unsuspecting person in a corner and begun "telling them just exactly how it is" on everything they ever possibly wanted to (or in many cases didn't particulary want to) know.
So what exactly is it about "telling it how it is" that seems to affect some people but not others? I believe the mystery lies in genetics. It is my belief that the "telling it how it is gene" is inherited. Simple as that.
Take me for example, I didn't have to look far. My dad is a compulsive "tell it how it is -er" , in fact I reckon he could give me a run for my money anyday. My brother isn't too bad at it either, so it was pretty obvisous where my compulsion to 'tell it how it is' came from.
Others may have to search harder - grandparents, uncles, perhaps even cousins, but I can guarantee that if you suffer from telling it how it is, there will be at least one other family member of yours that does too. Next time you're at a family gathering pay careful attention and I reckon you'll be able to spot where the gene comes from.
A SIMPLE TEST
Some of you may not have noticed that you have the gene yet so here is a simple experiment that you can try whenst next you are out on the town:
a) Have a few beers, spirits or alcoholic beverages of your choice.
b) Go to a late night venue of your choice (generally the later the hour the better).
c) Continue drinking drink of choice.
d) Find someone that you know, but don't know well - this is the best type of person to tell it how it is to. People that you don't know at all are sometimes quite good too (this ensures maximum embaressment the next day).
e) If after about 5-10 minutes of talking to your victim you notice that you are doing about 80% of the talking and the conversation revolves around an incredibly intense discussion of the pros and cons of wearing converse sneakers 365 days a year, you can be pretty sure you have the gene. Talking loudly, quickly and changing subjects rapidly is also a sign.
So there you have it. If you are like me and suffer from telling it how it is, don't panic as you are not alone - always remember there are thousands out there waking on any given Sunday morning (or more likely afternoon) with horrible hangovers and vague memories of telling someone all about every movie that Andrew Mcarthy has ever starred in. The bad news is there is nothing you can do about it. The good news is that you can rejoice in the fact that at least you've always got something to say.
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